Well it is about quater to 1 in the morning and I am awake. Believe it or not I was asleep just after 8.30pm tonight but have been woken up by my beautiful unborn baby giving me intergestion. Whilst this does not occur to often, thank goodness, it happens often enough to keep me up some nights.
Hubby and I have been walking everyday so far this week and while it is only Tuesday we are going really well. We only go for a 20min walk which is equiverlant to about a block and a half but this is enough to get my heart pumping and so hot and sweaty that I feel like I need to fall into the pool. I think our other Baby (our Husky called China) is enjoying the shorter walk at the moment as she has had puppies of her own in the last 4 weeks.
I am back at work this week and while it has been good I can feel it tirering me out. I think that is why I feel asleep so early. I think I am going to miss work but then again it is hard to say until Baby comes along and steals my heart away... Hubby is suggesting that I start my marternity leave at the end of Dec but I am unsure I would like to - if I could go part time now I would - but I am thinking of the money at the moment and thinking of going unitl the second week in Jan which will make 8 months by the time I leave work. I think I will wait until Dec to see how I am going and make my decision then. I only need to give 4 weeks notice and I get 12 months Maternity leave though unpaid.
I wish that I could have the best of both worlds and work and be a mum but at the same time now that our little family has started Hubby and I would like to have 2 more children and have them all fairly close together and finish our family. I know being a mother is a full time job all on its own and I know and understand the importance of motherhood and parenting and want to take nothing away from these two, mostly underminded, roles.
I have so many things that I would like to do as a mother and a parent with my children that are different to what my parents did, or different from what my freinds have done or are doing... these things are not bad I just want to do them differently. I have read much about the right way and the wrong way to parenting written by many differnt people from all walks of life with various academic acreditations and everyday regular mums and dads. With all that I have read it leads me to believe that there is not sure way to parenting. Parenting needs to be tailored to each individual child and ajusted accordingly as they grow and develop. I know that I have a lot to learn about being a mother and a parent and I know that I have a lot to learn about myself. This learning does not scar me. I think what scars me is not meeting mey own expectations I have some how conjoured up in my own mind. I some respects I don't think have expectations of one self is entirely bad it in away modivates us to work hard and be deicated to what it is we are doing always striving to meet thoes expectations. I think the danger comes when I don't meet these expectations or I perseve that I don't meet my own expectations. This is where you need to keep ground and look at the whole picture, making sure you acknowledge all aspecs especially if they where out of your control. I think it is vitally important that at the end of the day our children are individuals who have the ability and right to make choices of there own regardless of what we think, want or expect them to do. I just hope and pray that my children will inturn be better then I.
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